The ‘M’ word
I recently purchased Elizabeth Gilberts book “Committed” I’m still reading it and so far the author is surprisingly objective…
I know those who are married are going to have a lot to say about this piece, and as much as I would like them to give their view I also want them to understand that this is how I see it and this is what it looks like from the other side
I don’t generalize and I do realize that there are many of you that are truly happy so please don’t comment unless you are being honest… and refrain from patronizing the rest of us .because that’s the point of this piece to give a view from someone that does not see it the way you do. Please respect that
My aim with this piece is to raise an issue that has now filtered its way into my perfect life and the lives of many young woman I know who are being tortured in the same way I am . So the time has come for me to give my opinion on society and the pressure they put on young Indian woman and tell them that really they all are full of shit!
I know I can easily ignore them and go on happily but it’s time to face it so here goes!
Never has a word been more offensive to me then at this stage in my life
When all hell is breaking loose and suddenly you are not the clever cute little girl all the aunties loved before.
Now they inflict u with that accusing look
That ‘what’s wrong with you’ look
And then I want to be honest and say …
I don’t wash dishes , I’ve never ironed my own clothes, I’m not sure how to run a home and I’d make a pathetic wife . I’d probably end up divorced in a year and then you going to have an even bigger issue with that
So let’s save me the hassle and leave me be coz I’m not ready for all the responsibilities of marriage kids and in laws!
I don’t even want kids I want to spend 40 percent of my salary on me because yes shoes and my monthly facial mean more to me then huggies , food bills and day care ! Call me selfish if you want that’s what I want from life!
And thank god I’m apart of this generation and age where I’m allowed the freedom to make that choice.
oh and just in case you wondering I’ve decided to not sleep with anyone till I’m married so if they can’t test drive me don’ t expect them to buy me !!! Therefore you shouldn’t look at me as if there’s something wrong with me or assume that maybe I have a secret life you can’t wait to find out about and make your gossip !
But that would be harsh so I keep those taughts safely behind my fake smile
And the more I deal with it… the more personal its becoming
The more the nagging persists the nastier I’m becoming, however I think at this point my hostility is justified because as the pressure builds I find myself entertaining the idea of immigration with the hope that I will be allowed to live my life in a place like Dubai or Abu Dhabi , where no one from my community or family is going to judge me or make me seem deformed for growing up and not following the norm .
The “smug married “seem to belong to this group of individuals that got it right and some judge you and say shit like “when the time is right you too will fall in love and all will be well” “you will love your husband and your children you will be happy “ !!
Yes I know lots of woman are happily married but my issue is not with them. It’s with those hypocrites , the ones that seem to think they a more successful woman then you are and that really really really pisses me off !!!!
Coz when did marriage and a man become a accolade ?
As if their world is so perfect
A cousin confided in me the other day. She is amazing but unfortunately her kids aren’t they more like satans spawn and they driving her up the wall . she broke down and told me sometimes she feels she’s failing as a mom and that’s when I realized nothing’s wrong with me as the only reason the grass looks greener on the other side is coz there’s a whole lot more shit there ! Her exact words to me was “ please don’t be pressurized if I could do it all over I would “
It’s amazing how the slut that fell pregnant in school now bullshits you with dissolution of how happy she is
Or the dumbass that chose to be supported by her husband has the nerve to give you her idea of what she thinks happiness is and what she feels you missing out on
Elke pot het haar deksel ! I’m not a pot ! I’m a young person with the same ambitions as everyone else
I’m paving my way in the world
I’m saving toward my retirement and my financial freedom
I’m living my life honestly and with conviction
I don’t harm anyone
I burden no one
I’m a good daughter (an unmarried one yes) , but one they both know they can rely on
25 and not married ? 25 and single with an inability to hold onto a serious relationship, finds fault with every boy , thinks she’s better than everyone else she’s going to get left ! … not engaged , not proposed to , no sign of a committed man any where , it looks pretty weird to most and perhaps the most pathetic thing is when a guy asks you why are you still single !… Well to some people that qualifies you for Mayor-ess of looser-ville
And to others you some kind of martyr for feminism
Everyone’s got a bloody opinion hey
They all seem to have psycho analyzed you
“Shame you hurting , he must have pulled a bad one on you , you so angry , you so defensive , you put up a wall why do u hate men , why are u closing yourself off , why are you living in denial and my favorite why do u give boys the “fuck off “ look .“
And all I want to answer is why the hell cant you leave me alone!
Well honestly if swearing was something I could do openly and without consequence then I’d have a huge sign that says “F..u.” to all those that choose to judge me!
YES 25 not married and probably no intention of getting married until I feel like that is what will make me happy
Time is going and my mum keeps giving me the reminder !!!
Years ago before I could even think straight, She build a huge shelf for me and she labeled it “AGE 25 Welcome to the shelf” !
Shame in a way I pity her after all what kind of person goes on pilgrimage to ask god to please let her kids marry
Often I choose to ignore the “M” issue because if I had to respond to each judgment that’s passed against me I’d be a bitter old soul
I’d probably then settle for anyone who offered the prospect and what would that make me?
Marriage is about love and …
Love is a complicated issue
Some find the perfection in it and others are constantly faced with the flaws
Sometimes what you work a long time to build fizzles out when a better woman finds her way into the one you loves heart … so what are we suppose to do about these situations ? Sit in a corner cry and then act desperate and date every looser that comes our way with the hope that we will fulfill the void soon?
My standards are high and I have no intention to drop them with the hope that I will be married by 30
And I’m not talking material standards like looks or wealth . I’m talking about finding the individual that I can be sure off and not doubt someone that will expire like dairy
Someone who I will love completely and will love me at my worst at my best and at the age of 65
I refuse to settle for any less than that , and I refuse to compromise on my happiness to make relationships work
I am trying to be in love with myself I am trying to figure out my own path first before I expect someone to journey with me
You need to get the love thing right before you choose to marry
U need to be able to hold a relationship and maintain one for longer than 6 months or even year for that matter
You need to love and not marry for factors such as religion family background wealth and suitability
I have seen the consequence of divorce and that’s why marriage should be entered into for more reasons than the ones society places on us
None of the fools I have dated would have been the person I can grow old with
Non were good enough for me to dedicate and give the next half of my life too
When I find him I will know
If I don’t find him so be it ! I will still be happy and that is my happiness manifesto . I intend to be happy and content regardless of finding love or not
The only issue I seem to have is everyone else and questioning I keep facing
I also seem to have a major issue with the timeline that Im avoiding , but that is the timeline that people place on me not the one I have set up for myself and I find that annoying. It’s an infringement on my personal life and I find that a gross injustice to my basic freedom of choice
Perhaps this piece is aimed at the wrong crowd so if I have offended then I am sorry but I will make no apology for my view!
But I’m just trying to tell the rest of the woman out there that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with been single unengaged, unmarried divorced or newly single … don’t succumb to the pressure!
Instead be the diva that has the courage to love herself first and unconditionally!
Divorce is a real issue, it’s one that can be avoided if we realistic about the decisions we make
I find it amazing how the same stupid people who pressurized a woman to get married are the first ones to criticize
When she has the courage and guts to leave her situation!
If we don’t lie to ourselves when we are in unhappy relationships than half the battle is won
I know sometimes we never realize that a prince will become a bastard that’s when you have to find the inner strength to realize that your life can be fulfilling with or without a man!
Where we don’t compromise ourselves and who we are for the sake of not been on the shelf
Burn the bloody shelf
Let them judge the only person that needs to live with the consequence of your actions is you
And lastly sometimes the answer to life’s anomalies can be found in the episodes of “sex and the city”
Here’s something that Carrie said that I have made my personal motto:
"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself, And if you find someone to love the you you love, well that’s just fabulous !"
