I've had nothing to write about for so long .
Maybe because I’ve had very little opinions and views on issues lately
But this morning one of my male colleagues got me thinking about something
His decided that the cost of a function venue is so high that he might as well whisk his fiancé off to Vegas, and both of them can enjoy a luxury get away , and the wedding will still mean something coz the point is they are confirming their love and commitment and that’s all that matters the 20 grand venue doesn’t!
I suppose that’s the one benefit of the western culture they are able do what they want not what their family , extended family , and dead ancestors want...and then I got thinking wow not a bad idea hey and suddenly reality hit me ! Ha-ha like that will ever work with our community !!!!!
Imagine what will happen if u really did that think of the repercussions
I mean it’s just too evil to even consider
Imagine how many people will be disappointed...
First there’s your aunty Saras- the same one who has asked you when the big day is since you turned 21 - she even bought her sari on her last India trip , she’s got it in a pillow case on top of her cupboard and she’s filled it with moth balls .
She’s already bought your water set and she kept old gift paper for when she has to wrap it.
She can’t wait to make her famous jellebi and set your trays and what about her granddaughters who she hopes to flog off at your wedding the One who has to carry tray and the other two that will be doing a dance (Bollywood Style).
What about those relatives that hardly know - the ones with the unmarried son that they tried setting you up with long ago - surely they want to come to look for family girls for him? Little do they know about his escapades with his "best friend” the blonde guy ...?
And then uncle Siva (Saras’s husband)... let’s not forget him... he has to miss the united game just so he can come show off his Benz (the Indian status symbol for - "I’m a Maamu”) someone should tell him that powder blue suit doesn’t really suit him but it’s ok we'll be distracted by his dental bling and gold chains and ray bans he'll look amazing in the pics his probably gna shine more than you :-)
And most importantly your parents ... we don’t realise what they go thru the side remarks they face from society ... how’s your children ...how’s your daughter ... how old is she now ... she never met anyone? Yah but you know these children today ... mustn’t stress tell her to fast for 12 Fridays or maybe do the string prayer. Then in the next breath she goes and spreads rumours about how your parents are suffering with you! and so that’s how it all starts the minute someone starts questioning your mum the pressure kicks in and it filters down to you
Weddings are our societies social entertainment ... more crap goes on at weddings than any other family gathering ... think about it a funeral ( even thou those sometimes have drama too) is generally sad but remains dignified .. a birthday party is usually small and intimate and doesn’thave much drama ... but a wedding ... anywhere where you stuff 1000 relatives (all dressed to the 9’s) into a crowded poorly air-conditioned space and you bound to get issues hey ! You bound to get high levels of noise, lots of heckling, lots of gossip, lots of teen romances and worst of all lots of bloody screaming babies in there taffeta white dresses! And don’t even get me started on the nalagus and hurdees verindhes and bidhaais all of which cost a fortune too and are becoming even more elaborate these days! I mean seriously now people chair covers and overlays and flowers for the mendhi night isn’t that overkill?
So just before wedding season starts here’s my final taught
I'm not trying to thrash the whole wedding idea as much as it has its age old clichés and highly irritating side stories you can’t beat an Indian wedding hey for the sheer colour and joy and the Friday night wedding jol and the music and the laughter and the glamour
It’s still is the nicest event to attend and as guests when a young couple invites us to their wedding we should oblige and respect the ceremony and truly bless them not go there to complain about the food and make a noise and create the drama here’s a few things we can do to make sure we follow some basic wedding etiquette we can follow as gracious guests:
> RSVP FOR GOD SAKE - venues are charging per head these days the couple fork out a fortune on their big day if the invite asks for a RSVP then do the decent thing . Yes we know back in the day the whole street came and the food was enough for everyone but things have changed and your one extra seat makes a huge difference when the couple is working on a budget
> LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME! If they are too small to know the meaning of “sit down and be quiet" then don’t go and spoil someone else’s sacred day. honestly there’s nothing sweet about mantras been recited while you have brats running up and down the isles ...leave your brats at home with the maid or the in laws
> DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FOOD ., who gives you the right to judge someone else’s function how dare you do such a nasty thing !how would it feel if someone does that at your function once again you were invited out of love and respect don’t be a hater
> GIVE A USEFUL GIFT or rather don’t give one at all the couple have not invited you for your wedding gift you give that as a token of love don’t recycle the water sets you got from your wedding 30 years ago chances are it’s just gna cause clutter in these peoples new lives
> And on that’s note THE GIFT REGISTRY is there so that a modern bride can make your task of choosing a gift easier! Deal with it if you don’t want to make use of it then don’t but refrain from making it a gossip topic... no she is not been forward by having one !
> DON’T OUTSHINE THE BRIDE! I don’t care how much of a beauty queen you think you are if you going there with the intention of making heads turn and a$$es burn then get a life and enter Miss India SA. This is not the day to be cattish and you poor second cousin is experiencing the biggest day of her life (true story: I have been to a wedding where one of the guests had the same sari as the bride and guess what she stayed for the entire thing and still paraded around (this applies to the guys and there white suit and panama Hats too !
> and lastly LEAVE THE BLOODY VASES ON THE TABLE yes we know you want the flowers for your dining room table but the decor is hired most of the time leave it alone !
To the bridal couple ... it’s your day do it in your way don’t be pressured into making the rest of them happy coz you never going to succeed they always going to judge! Make yourself happy first... Suze Orman is clearly not Indian because anyone who reads her books knows how she feels about wedding debt so if you decide that you need to take that R100 k loan to make your dream day possible then do it but make sure you understand that no matter what your wedding costs no matter what your serviettes and cutlery looks like the most important thing is that when you marry you are doing it for the right reason to the person you truly love and that the focus is going to be the rest of your life the actual marriage not the weeklong event that precedes it ... do what makes you happy ( PS THIS IS ESPECIALLY FOR THE COUSINS I HAVE THAT ARE GETTING MARRIED THIS WEDDING SEASON :-))
After all said and done it’s about 2 people who love each other and we should feel honoured that they want you to be a part of that And to those aunties that keep harassing the rest of us about our big day I say we will always love you but please stop nagging coz you killing the whole idea for us
We honestly sick and tired of having to smile and answer the same question every time u see us ... :p
SO just before wedding season starts and my mum’s coffee table gets bombarded with silk and organza cards (all the way from India) I say let’s not lose the plot ... enjoy all the weddings and remember the real reason for all the thamasha !
Regards
Tashi " say it like it is" Padiachy
(Chief officer of the 2010 wedding police )
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